U Will Be Blessed, Ma

wen ask those that knows my mum, they will give my mum one thumbs up and says she's a very very good woman.

among my siblings, im one of mama's kid that always gives her problem . and she will settle my issues behind my back without informing me. i remembered once, during secondary time i was betrayed by one of my close fren. mama knows bout it even if i din tell her. so one day, tat fren of mine called me but i wasnt around. mama spoke to her on d fon and says she wanna meet my fren. so mama cycle to meet my fren without informing me. mama on behalf of me apologise to my fren if i happen to offended her. i was touched.

i remembered too wen i was having issues with my ex. she was there for me helping me out to settle the issue. she knows im down and she will approach me and we talk things out.

wen i was a young kid, around 5years old, i was having a serious asthma attack. it was 11++ pm . papa was out, mama tried to called him but to no avail. then, she quickly grab her purse and walk to Semabok Clinic which is about 2km. she came bek home after midnite and quickly feed me the medicine. and i doze off without and chesty cough and wheezing.

wen mama was informed that she had been diagnosed with liver cancer , her heart sank. but she took up the challenge and go for chemos. doctor says he will cure mama and mama was so positive and told us not to worry for her.

i was thinking whether to transfer back to Mlk or not. so i called her up and ask her opinion. mama was happy about my idea and she says at least i can see her more often. tat's the time i noe she's getting prepared to leave us.

but wen mama went for the 4th chemo, doctor says its hopeless and estimated mama oni have lesser than 6 months to go. our heart sank. i told myself "why must it be her? she's such a nice woman". i called her up tat nite and ask bout her. she burst out to tears and says "im still worry for you kids".

i told her im resigning and she told me not to do so. i told her "Ma, u had been taking good care of us very well. its about time we take care of u. there are plenty of jobs out there, but i oni have one mama".

she really take care of us very very well. and always hope tat we have a comfortable house to stay. cleaning, cooking, washing etc is what she will do everyday without fail.

she knows she do not have much time left. so mama quickly settle sum unfinished house chores. she make sure the air cond is serviced, fix a new shower for us, fix a new water filter for us, get more clothing for us etc etc.

mama went in and out from hospital few times. 2 weeks before i resigned, i went bek Mlk to look after her. den i resume my work till my last working day. i was informed she was admitted to MMC. so after work, i straight away shoot to mlk MMC. the moment i went into the room, i burst out to tears. just in 2 weeks time, she became so thin. oni 2 weeks time! we grab each other hands so tight. i was crying in front of her, but she gave me a sweet smile.

days pass by. she became more weak and weak. she cannot even sit up. all she can do is lie down on the bed. mama could not talk tat much. i miss her voice. everything seems to be so quiet.

mama was sick for 5 months and she was hiding from my grandma, afraid that popo cannot take it as she's already 82 years old. so one day, my grandfather (father side) visit her and advise her to inform my popo. after several times of asking mama's permission to let my popo know, finally mama agreed.

the emotional situation happen again wen my popo came to hospital. both were grabbing hands so tight and my popo tell her "u will be alright". since mama cannot tok much, she have to use hand signal. she told my popo tat we 5 daughters will take care of my aunties and popo. sumtimes we don understand her hand signal, so we gave her a pen and paper and she wrote ...

" I'm dying soon

Don't worry

Please take care of my children

Thanks "

the moment she finish tat sentence, she drop down the pen and paper and eyes closed. her pulse stop and we quickly ask for doctor. thank God she was ok later on.

tat nite itself, we asked mama whether she wanna discharge from hospital. she nod her head. we brought her back and do more chanting for mama so that wen she's about to go, mama will follow Amitabha to Pureland, whereby there's no worries, sorrow and pain. a very lovely place after life . the moment we reach our house, it was pas midnight and it was her chinese birthday. i said "Mama, Happy Birthday!!!". mama gave me a sweet smile and i will never forget tat smile!

mama lying on the bed follow our chanting with her hands clasping together. she got a bit tired and she actually requested us to tie her hands . we told her "mama u can do your prayers in your heart. Amitabha will know you're indeed very sincere."

there were one nite, she suddenly chant very loud. we started praying. den with her eyes closed she says "Amitabha smiling at me. Kuan Yin Liang Liang ( Goddess of Mercy ) too". we did not get worried but we gave a huge smile. at least we know tat Amitabha will bring her to Pureland.

then she got weak again. we decided to bring her to hospital. 2 doctors rejected my mum since they say its hopeless. but one good doctor accepted mama and she's getting better after few days. during those nite, mama always tok in her sleep. mostly about house condition and also bout us, her 5 daughters. she still worried bout us and the house. wen she wake up she will ask "Bao Bei leh?". she's refering to Karen.

grandfather once asked mama anything she wana tell him. mama ask him to take care of us. again she's worried bout us.....

she didnt tok much. whenever she start toking, we make sure we remember and tresure her voice. miss her voice so much.

wen she's asleep, she was like a beautiful baby soundly asleep. we clean her, massage her body etc. she coudnt eat much, so we fed her milk.

one day, at the hospital wen i was taking care of her at nite, i told her i was cold. she wanted to gave me her blanket. i told mama im fine. i rest my head beside her and she gently use her hand and tidy up my hair. i grab her hand and we slept.

one day papa told mama tat wendy graduating in 2 years time. mama said papa still have 10 more years time. papa asked "What about you?". Mama replied "I do not have much time left".

she was at the hospital for about 2 weeks. whenever the doctor came in to examine her, mama ask doctor wen can she discharge. doctor says mama too weak. so one day papa asked doctor wen can she discharge. doctor personally tok to my mama "U really wanna go bek home?". mama nod her head and so doctor allow her to go bek.

she was so happy tat time tat she reminded us not to leave any of our stuff at the hospital. wen my elder sister went to settle mama's discharge procedure, i was in the room with mama alone. she ask how is my car buying planning goes? she wanted to come out downpayment for me. i said "Wait till u're ok den we tok bout tis. once u're ok, i wanna bring u makan angin". den i told her i wanna do sume arrangement for my room. i said i wanna do tis do tat and she replied with a cute voice "Up to u la".

wen we reach home, she told us to buzy with our stuff. so we let mama rest in the room. den she wanted to watch TV. since she kenot even sit up or walk, we told her to rest in the room. she gave me a sad look. i remember very well tat poor look. so me and my sisters slowly carry her to the living room and let her watch TV. after few hours, she got tired and we carry her bek to her room.

we clean her, change diapers for her, make sure she had medication, food and water on time.
she was like a sweet baby. and tats the time i realise wat is a human life cycle. she brought us up to this world and tis is our time to take care of her.

we bought her an adjustable bed ( just like the bed for patients at the hospital ), we get her an oxygen machine since she kenot breath well, we bought a blood pressure gadget to cek her blood pressure etc etc. the 1st day was ok. but after tat she becoming more weak and weak. sumtimes, wen we wake her up, she cannot even wake up. we know sumthing is wrong. we requested a private doctor to examine her. doctor came. while examining mama, doctor said we really take care of her very well. i replied the doctor "That's because she had been taking care of us very very well".

after examining mama, doctor says he wanna tok to us in the hall. so we leave mama in the room a while. doctor suspect tat the cancer cell had spread to mama's brain. tats y no matter how hard we wake her up she will not wake up. he told us to get prepared.

the very next day, her stomach got bloated wic was unusual. she had chesty phlegm and was having difficulty in breathing. we called an ambulance. by the time the medical officers place my mum on the stretcher, her phlegm stop and she finally open her eyes. i cud see her eyes watery. we told her we gonna bring her for a short check up.

we reach hospital. nurses and doctor started panicking. less den 5 minute, doctor came out and said "there's no heartbeat, no pulse, she passed away". it was 1.11am , 22 July 2007.

i blif she doesnt want us to see her passed away. i blif she doesnt want us to cry in front of her. again, she tink of us.

we brought her bek and look at her face. she went off peacefully with a smiling face. my aunty said mama had followed Amitabha to Pureland. according to Buddhism, there's a few places once a person passed away. Heaven ( Pureland ), Hell, Reincarnation become human or animals and few more wic i cudnt recall. but we know, mama definitely had followed Amitabha and went to Pureland since she's such a nice person.

relatives and frens drop by to pay last respect to u. u were like an angel at tat time. everybody said tat u shudnt leave so soon. saying y must it be u. saying u're so good. i oso told myself, y must it be u. but i tink God had given u a chance b4 wen u were diagnosed with nose cancer for the 1st time and u succeeded. but wat to do, Amitabha loves u more den we loves u.

Ma, i still cudnt accept the fact tat u're gone. i cud still feel ur presence around. but i know u had been blessing us. Amy was supposed to have her mid term exam on thursday, wic is your funeral day. but surprisingly the mid term was cancelled!! u blessed her ma. i contact my senior ex colleague earlier and asked whether Mlk SCB still have any vacant for me. she replied no more left. after i send u off Ma, i received a sms from my senior ex colleague saying Mlk do have vacancy for me. Ma, thank u for blessing me too! u answered my prayers.

i remember the way u wipe off my tears whenever i cried. i will never forget your soft touch.

house became so quiet. we miss ur voice, ur laughter, ur jokes, ur cooking and the very most important one is we miss u so much. do forgive us if we ever hurt ur feelings. but i noe u will not keep in mind our mistakes. u're such a nice mother.

Ma, in future do wait for me at Pureland. we wanted to reunited with u!

even if all of us were to reincarnate, we the 5 daughters want u to become our mother again! we have never regret to have u as our mother.

i pray to Amitabha, ask Him to take care of u. don worry about us, we know how to take care of ourself. take care Ma. we love u.

14th July 1952 - 22nd July 2007